Words From the Porch

ONE YEAR!! I Made It!

Well here I am FINALLY! I have made it to the Porch!!
I look back and I see so many resolutions to quit some lasting a day, a week, a couple weeks, maybe a month. I had one that lasted just
barely three months.
I have read of so many quit journeys here, I have admired so many folks that call BV their Home

It does feel like a lil community, a place where we know a bit about each other, our happy days, our hard days… we laugh, we cry and even
argue a lil bit now and then. Friends come and go… some come sneaking in for a peek now and then. I did when I fell off a quit I
would peek in just to see who was here.

I cannot name names, because sure as anything I will miss someone and feel horrible about it… but there have been people in my early days
that I will always hold close to my heart… some have solid quits, some are still struggling and I hope to welcome each of the not quit
yet to the porch someday!

The quit that worked for me just happened, I did not plan to quit, I did not even really want to quit at the time. I was home for several
months with vertigo… horrible dizziness, that made it impossible for me to work. I used up any and all vacation time, sick time… I used
it all… finally money ran out… roommate could not take care of everything PLUS keep me in smokes… so when the last smoke was smoked
I was finished smoking. That was December 6, 2010. No patch, no pill, just raw stop it! No more! Quit smoking cold turkey!

I was irritable, I didnt like it, but it was what it was. I decided instead of being nasty, emotional and crazy, I would be quiet… I
have always liked Thumper in the cartoon Bambi… If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all! Early in my quit I could
not choose to be nice, but I could choose to be quiet, so I did. I stopped in and said hello now and then usually on a milestone day…
but I really just hid myself away and let the quit take hold… I took hold of music that was relaxing and almost meditational, I found
a self hypnosis type thing that was quit smoking focused and listened to it alot… anything that put me in a calm, peaceful, quiet place
was my safe haven during the early months.

The time came to go back to work… dizziness was controlled enough I was safe to return to work… my first night back a co-worker offered
me a smoke… I turned it down, I was quit!

I am amazed how much work I can get done now that I am not constantly
looking for a smoke break. I have grown my hair longer and I am amazed how long my shampoo smells wonderful.. I never knew it smelled that good for that long!
Same with perfume… I no longer bathe in my nice perfumes a spritz or two and I am smelling good and saving alot of product.

I smile as I begin to write this part, I read it from so many others, but it is TRUE!!!

YOU CAN QUIT!

Yes, it is tough at first but it gets better! Just make the decision and then DONT LOOK BACK!

Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta find my rocking chair, my feet are killing me. Get on your journey and meet me here on the porch.

Come on!

Rambling along,,,

One year and one day,,,,

I think that in the decade I have spent on this site, the one thing that I know for sure is this; To smoke is a choice and to not smoke is also a choice. Success is dependent on making the choice to NOT smoke regardless of what life deals you. For sure, it has not been an easy year for me for a multitude of reasons, but I chose to not smoke. Every time I failed, it was because I wanted to smoke more than I wanted to stay free.

My advice today? A positive attitude is key. If I say I am happy, and healthy, and blessed, I am. There was absolutely nothing good about being a smoker. There was no benefit to it. I was simply an addict with no self control when it came to nicotine. Cigarettes really tried to convince me that I couldn’t live without them, and exactly the opposite is true. They were killing me. Maybe the damage they did is still working in my but I refuse to dwell in negative thoughts. I can be proud today that I am quit, and much happier for it. I no longer look at lost quits or years smoking as meaningful or useful information. Today, I am free. I want to stay that way. I can. It is my choice.

I owe a great deal to this site. It has been my quit smoking heaven and hell for more than a decade. I love this place and still, at times, see a glimpse of how it used to be. Cub reporters, A baker of cakes, campfires, rhino hides, jetting from place to place, and feeling the joy and pain of the quit. I love you Blairsville. Mean it.

To my soul mates…yeah you…you know who you are.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the wonderful celebration you prepared for me today. The congratulatory words, the food, the drink, the balloons, the fireworks, the doggies, the MEN (woohoo), the porch chairs (I have to figure out how to post picture, darn!) And, as importantly, thank you all for being here at Blairsville day in and day out with your thoughts, your cheers, your praise, your warnings, your forgiveness, your remembrances and your daily pledges. All of this has been part and parcel of this year-long quit of mine.
Several years back I had successfully quit for a year and a half and then threw it all away. There was no tragedy, no crisis that “pushed me over the edge.” Looking back now, and looking into my mind, I realize that I hadn’t ever really quit for life. I was just quitting until the time when I could convince myself that I could just smoke on vacation. Then my vacation would be complete. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! How twisted was that thinking? Then I thought I could smoke when I came home if I didn’t smoke “a lot.” WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? I thought if I only smoked a few, 5 or 6, maybe a bit more here and there, it wasn’t so bad. Didn’t I hear myself hacking? Didn’t I hear myself lying to my son, my mom, my friends, my co-workers, my students? Didn’t I see myself sneaking, planning, conniving to get that freakin’ cigarette in? OF COURSE I DID! I was miserable. I wanted to stop, but I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to stop “a little.” HUH? How do we get so stupid???? But the simple truth is not that I became stupid when I smoked, but that I WAS AND AM AN ADDICT. The only way to not smoke is not to smoke. How simple is that idea?
I came to quit again, metaphorically kicking and screaming. My precious son caught me again and again sneaking a puff or two on the deck. He ranted and raved each time. He made me listen to detail by detail the reality of living with, dying with COPD, emphezyma, and other diseases. At the time he was a research scientist in the pulmonary unit of Johns Hopkins. So I got plenty of details. He was also studying to get into med school ( which he did, by the way; he is now starting his second year med school at Howard University) So I got more horrid, ugly truths. And the final piece of ammunition - he threatened to tell my 87 year old mom. I was quickly coming up to 60 years old. My friend of like-age had recently died of a sudden diagnosis of cancer after a life time of smoking.
If this wasn’t the time, when the heck was??????
So in July 5 th 2010, I quit. Has it been hard? Darn right. In the beginning my motto was “if I don’t have one puff, there can’t be another.” One day at a time, one urge at a time. The days piled up, the weeks, the months. Bad times came; my Mom became sick (she’s hanging in, thank god); my son got sick ( he’s still struggling, but getting stronger AND with it all was at the top of his class) but I DIDNT SMOKE.
What is different this time? My mind, that’s what. I am not waiting for an opportunity to smoke again. I am going to live the rest of my life not smoking. Do I think I’m missing out on something good? No way! Do I still get urges? Sure I do. Do I plan to satisfy them? NOPE cause if I don’t have one puff I won’t have a second. And I know the urges will pass. I am one gratteful non-smoker and proud to be one of you!
Ramble done… God bless all of you!
Hugs,
Linda

365 days later: yep i am a fogey!

It’s all surreal to take this in……………. I am now, according to blairsville, a fogey. Or at least a young ‘ fogey’! I officially stopped ingesting nictotine on 16th March however I sought help via blairsville days before my quit because i was d so desperate for support . See message below. I want to thank all those that helped me on my way in the beginning, cheering me on. Positive support definitely helps. The online documents were good in helping me understand dangers & addiction. This site also directed me to another site which helped me understand nicotine addiction on a whole new educative level. in this respect, i am also thankful because blairsville is open to other sources to help its members.

Right now i am in a good place. My friend who died was the trigger to get my health back into gear. i remember a guilt riddled dicussion about the ‘ what if cigarettes’ caused my cancer’ and also a heart rending chat shortly before she died telling me to enjoy life to the full by respecting your health physically & emotionally. She died a young age, leaving her son ( 1.5 years) behind & new husband. Her advice struck a core cos at the time of her death all i was doing was being stressed and smoking. Since her death, i have become a changed person. I have started looking a life from different perspectives & take action to enrich what is good & throw away what is bad. First step was starting with my health. I cannot stand cigarets now or anything related to nicotine. I spent a good deal of time cleansing my body with sport, good healthy food & lack of stress. I enjoy life, smile more & take time for me & friends & family. My boyfriend likes the new me. in 7 weeks i will be a first time mother and i am so proud that i will be a nicotine free mother. My boyfriend gave up smoking on 2nd January & now understands my point about nicotine addiction & taking one day @ a time to deal with it. he realizes that things are doable if you break things down into baby steps and realistic perspectives.

For all you newbies out there, giving up smoking or not ingesting nicotine is not the ‘be & end of of life’. In fact, by doing it, your life begins because you regain your health back.

anyway, enough of me rambling. just wanted to say hello & give you an update. Donna :0)

—————–
THE BEGINNING:
Help me please
March 13 2010 at 4:46 PM

Hello all,

i am in some dire need of support to stop smoking. i am 34 years old. I suddely got a wake up call when i lost a friend to cancer ( not smoking related) and i realised that i am doing damage to my body by smoking. I have always been frightened of death but i am even more frightened that my bad habit will catch up with me sooner than later. i have tried since december to give up. not much sucess, 3 weeks straight, then started again, then a week on & off. there is so many reasons why i want to give up : live a longer life, be healthy to be with my boyfriend for a long time ( till old age), be clean so that i can have a clean body to have kids. could any of you give me encourgaement or somehow help me before i lose the will again to stop. the only postive thing that i have managed is to take up sport ( almost 3x a week ) to keep my drive & also it puts me off smoking before and after sessions…

many thanks Donna

A rant I never thought I’d get to write

My Blairsville login dates back to 1999. I would get bronchitis, quit for a couple of days, then cave in for another year until I got sick again. And Id pop back in for a few days. My most serious attempt was in 2003-ish and lasted a whole 30 days. I caved in to a bad day & junkie thinking. I didnt really try to quit again (in my heart) until 2-5-10. There was a time in my life that I never thought I could/would quit. It was part of who I am. Shari is a smoker. Thats how its been since high school.

Suddenly after talking to my doctor and getting yet another script for Chantix, I decided that I was just so tired of the inconvenience, the awful smell and the whole habit. I was spending $150.00/month on this filthy habit. I used chantix. (Im a freak who enjoys the vivid/strange dreams.) Hubby used a hypnotist. His 1 yr will be 20 days from today. We are both so thankful that we braved those first tough days to arrive here. Most days, I dont even think of smoking anymore. The first day that I realized I hadnt obsessed about smoking was a day of liberty for me. From the shackles of a habit that I once believed defined who I was.

Quitting suddenly freed up a lot of spare time that used to be spent smoking in the garage. I chose to fill that time cooking decadent meals that I could actually taste. I would make the dish, then come here & post the recipe. I think some people actually tried my cooking! I also ate a lot of tootsie roll pops & gummi bears. I gained 10#, but I can lose weight the time I gained from quitting is so much more valuable now!

I wish my children had never seen me smoke. My 20 year old son smokes. And I beg him daily to quit now. I blame myself. I wasnt even smart enough to quit when I was pregnant. That was back in the early 90s when we were just realizing exactly how detrimental cigarettes really are. Not an excuse, but it explains my rebellious attitude towards cigarettes.

We rescued a border collie puppy (Jax) from the Humane Society on March 5th, 2010. He has never known a day of cigarette smoke in his life. He has never brushed past a lit cig & gotten burnt. And for that I can look forward and be proud.

I did slip about a week in. Just a puff, walking a dangerous line. Hubby had left some long butts in the garage. I knew they were there. I just wanted to romance it. That one puff tasted awful. And the regret was swift and harsh. Did I restart my whole quit? No. I came here, and asked around. Some people would, some would not. I knew if I did, my momentum would crash and I would be in danger of giving up the quit. I refused to let that moment of bad judgment ruin the only quit Ive ever felt bonded to.

So, maybe my true quit date is next week. But I celebrate every day. I love having money in my pocket. I learned a lot about myself. I AM one of those people who dont life being around smokers now due to the smell of their clothes, hair, etcAnd Ive apologized to my non-smoking friends for my past stench. Hubby & I have also made friends with ex-smokers. I spend a lot of time on the back of the Harley in the summer, no need to stop & take a smoke break.

Today, I celebrate my freedom. I never in my heart truly thought Id make it to this porch. Until I really wanted it. And I wish anyone reading this the same realization that it wont change until you really want it to change.

The support & comraderie found here was key to keeping focus and my goal in mind. I’m telling ya, If Shari quit… anyone can quit.