Words From the Porch

Ramble on

Wow, one year. WOW!!! I just cannot fathom that I have not had a smoke in an entire year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes, or even 31,536,000 seconds! You know, it really makes me wonder why the heck I smoked every single day for 34 years of my life. Why?! What in the world drove me to smoke every single day for that long. What did I get out of it that would make me spend all that time, all that money, and all that effort doing something that self destructive? I know the answer to that now. Nothing!! I got absolutely nothing out of smoking. I was simply continuing the cycle of nicotine addiction continuously for 34 years.

So what made me quit? Why, after 34 years of puffing my brains out, did I decide to actually quit? And what kept me quit for a year, a whole darned YEAR!?

It was actually my son, a smoker himself, who first put the idea of this quit into my head. He was 25 and when hed come over we would go out on the deck together to smoke. You know, every 30 min to an hour, day in and day out, lol. But I digress this time he told me that he was going to quit and he was going to use a new drug called Chantix that someone told him about. So we discussed it a bit and since I knew him to be a talker and rarely, if ever, follow through on what he said, I didnt think about it much. But I kept hearing about people quitting with Chantix, mostly people who knew people who quit. So one day when I was at the doctor, I mentioned Chantix to him and asked him about it. He told me that hed love to write an Rx for me and said that his office had a 70% success rate with it (not like I really believed him, but still). Okay, so I got my prescription, lol. Now I had to convince myself to actually fill it and start taking it. Its like Allen Carr says: It is basically fear that keeps us smoking: the fear that life will never be quite as enjoyable without cigarettes and the fear of feeling deprived. So I pushed it off for fear of a horible life without my smokes. Geesh, miserable excuse eh? Months later, my 50th birthday was coming up. I was also starting to get a fear of getting old, and getting sick from smoking. How about I give that Chantix a try? Out of the blue I filled my presecription, which cost me a lot of money adding to my quit smoking encouragement. If Im going to spend all this money, I better make a significant effort eh? Anyway, one week before my 50th birthday I started taking the Chantix. Around this same time I started searching the internet for information on Chantix and quitting smoking. I was actually surprised at how little there was on Chantix. But that was alright because what I found made a significant difference in keeping my quit and that was the support of many many quitters via the internet. Checking out these support sites, and the nicotine addiction education sites they recommended, made this quit so very doable for me.

I was actually surprised when my quit day came and I just stopped smoking. The night before I smoked the last one I had. I had gone to great lengths to plan on having just that one left at that time on that night. Anyway, the next morning I got up and went about my business. It was a Saturday, as planned, because no one at my house smoked and I would not have to worry about running into a smoker on the first two days. It was also my birthday so Id have time with family, what I usually do on my birthday, only this time I wouldnt have to run away every 30 minutes or so to have my smoke. Something I was actually looking forward to. But this frist morning without a smoke was very scary. I had thought about this, and I decided that the best thing for me to do was to go about my normal routine and just not smoke. I thought tons about not drinking coffee and not taking the dogs out first thing in the morning (where I always had my first few smokes), but in the end I was just going to tough it out and do my normal thing. You know what? It wasnt nearly so hard as I expected it to be. Yeah, I thought about cigarettes probably every second of that first day, but when the end of the day came, I was still alive and I was actually doing alright! Wow! Could I really do this? Turns out that I could, lol. So I held on, working through the next day and remembering to congratulate myself at the end of the day. Now day 3 I had to return to work this was the date of no return. As usual, I hadnt told anyone at work that was going to quit. This gave me that out so that I could smoke on this day and no one would know I failed. But I looked back on my first two days that morning. They really were not as bad as I feared. I had never in the last 34 years gone this long without smoking before. I should try to go longer So I went to work. I could still change my mind, I had this smoking buddy at work who would come by every morning at 8:30 and say its time. Meaning it was time to get a cup of coffee and have a smoke or three. Like clockwork he came by that morning, but I remained strong. I told him that I wasnt smoking any more. He was shocked, lol. He had been my smoking buddy for the last 27 years. But not any more! He went outside with his tail between his legs, lol. And so it began I spent my breaks that first week by reading Allen Carrs, The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. I thoroughly enjoyed it! Ended up reading it twice that first week. I also read a lot at www.whyquit.com which had information in an easy way to understand and broken up into small topics which could be easily read. Wonderful resource! I also posted a lot. I was amazed at the number of people who would respond to me and encourage me. It really is some serious help to just have people congratulating and celebrating every little accomplishment with me. Something I might have earlier thought I wouldnt need, but it turns out that it might have been that thing that was lacking in past quits that kept me from winning. And the education about nicotine addiction!! Simple things like knowing and being told in simple terms that the only reason I wanted a cigarette is to relieve the withdrawal from the nicotine I got in the cigarette I smoked 30 minutes ago. Yeah, sure, I knew that before, but I guess I needed to have it slammed in my face a few times to have it stick. The only way to break the cycle is to stop feeding it!!! Duh! Of course! Yeah, my first week was hard. Im no different than anyone else. I think what got to me the most was the feeling of being loopy, confused, lost, and antsy. You know what Im talking about? You know how you can sometimes walk into a room, or open the fridge and know that you had a reason for doing that but cant for the life of you figure out what it was? Well, its that feeling continuously. I had no idea what was going on or what I was doing. It was like I was watching life from the outside. I hated that more than anything and it seemed nearly continuous. I think that lasted till my 3rd week. Im surprised I didnt get fired from my job, lol.

But what kept me going? I suffered the stages of quitting like everyone else. I felt empty, depressed, sad, stressed, anxiety, anger, frustration, hurt, jealousy, all those things that most people feel when they quit, but somehow I was able to set my attitude and keep it right (most of the time, lol). I learned, and made the decision to always be positive. After all, stopping the nasty habbit/addiction of smoking is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. That, and straws, lol. I went through a lot of coffee stirrers, lol. By the third week I spent my time fighting cravings by replacing them with statements about why Im happy Im not smoking. Eventually, this came naturally and I was pretty comfortable with my quit. I was actually beginning to enjoy it most of the time happy.gif

I think during my third month is when I finally came to terms with all the mess of cravings and quitting smoking. Sure, thoughts of smoking were going to enter my head, and did enter my head. But thats all it was. They had no control over me, and I was not going to give them any control. I DID NOT WANT TO SMOKE!! I know I dont want to smoke and there is no question about it. So what if a stupid thought comes into my head. Pffft, I dont smoke. Life is great, Im enjoying every minute of it. I get to spend time with friends and family and I dont have to run out every 30 minutes. I can enjoy myself. I really and honestly love not being a smoker. Why would I ever go back? This was my acceptance stage. Its the most important stage in my opinion. It is where I realized that I didnt need to smoke and I also didnt want to smoke. I never looked back!

Here I am at one year. I still dont want to smoke. I still love being free from nicotine addiction. Freedom is so very worth every effort that can be put into it. The key, in my opinion, is to really come to terms with what this freedom is to you and that it is good and worth it. Accept it. Life is good. Make it last as long as you can. Quitting smoking will almost certainly give you longer life, but even more importantly, it will give you a better life!!!

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character” Albert Einstein