Wow. I have been thinking about this for a month or so. That I am actually to where I dreamed of being. To where I couldnt ever envision myself of being. A decade. A place that seemed an eternity away. A place that I wanted to get to fast in my quit, yet I didnt want time to take me there quickly. 10 years. Oh my God. And I say my God, because He is the one who gave me the strength to quit. He gave me a brain to use and reason with. And the courage to look myself in the mirror and say, enough! Im lying to myself no longer!! I knew there were no more excuses. I knew there could be no more denial.
It was in February, 2002. We were having a very harsh winter. Cracking the sliding door off the kitchen that faced north thinking I was blowing smoke OUT..when in reality it was all blowing back in along with the frigid air..my fingers freezing and stinking. I knew I was nuts. I knew this was stupid. For years I knew that some day I would quit smoking. Or did I? Did I really? I had smoked since I was 16. Probably really wasnt hooked till 18. But so what? I made up for lost time.by gradually working my way up to 2-3 packs a day. Oh, Id tell myself that Id just light them and Id NEVER smoke them down.usually only half or two thirds down. And I was a CLEAN smoker! Oh yes!!! I would crack my windows in the car. Keep spray with me so when I picked up the kids and they might have a friend with them I could have the car smell good. Even swept the ashes off the back seats! And when I was outI ALWAYS blew my smoke up in the air and would wave it away from others..with a look on my face of Im so sorry.oh my, the last thing I wanted to do was offend a non smoker.after all, I was a good smoker. I was considerate. I would ask if I could smoke somewhere. I would always offer to drive of course so I could smoke. I never sat around my kids and smoked. I was good. I wasnt hurting anyone. Anyone but me. And that was the denial part. I guess I thought if I did penance by being so conscientious , no harm would come to me cause God knew I was a good person and that deep down I really wanted to quit. Funny the lies we see later. Id tell my girls that smoking was bad. But I wasnt bad. That was true. But when they would beg me to quit smoking, I would give them my empty promise of some day I will quit (big smile , kiss). I couldnt say the truth that I finally faced later..that I was a drug addict, was scared to death of quitting, and loved smoking so much.that I didnt even care what the people I supposedly really loved were saying. After all, I was a good person, and some day I would quit smoking. Some day. Off in the future. Dont think of it now. Shew! Put away for another few months of denial. And so the lie of smoking and addiction continued to recycle and replay in my life. My husband was a dream. He knew that only I could quit. It must have killed him to wonder why I couldnt see the truth. Or to hear the some day lies I told. Hed say youll never quit. That was later. He never ragged me. But I knew it hurt him so to see me smoke. Not until I quit did I realize that it wasnt because I couldnt see the truthit was because I REFUSED to see the truth. By even starting to see the truth.that would mean..maybe I DID have to quitomg was I stupid? As long as I was in denial of my addiction I didnt have to face the fact that I was lying to myself or how stupid I was to smoke. Crawling under those covers of denial is so comforting. I would feel so secure. After all, smoking helped me with everything. I loved it!
10 years have passed. Much has happened in my life. Both daughters got out of high school and are now out of college. Empty nest was so so hard. I missed them so much. My marriage survived one of the worst things that could happen to a marriage and, thank God, is now thriving. My Mom passed away. My family now seems distant at times. But I survived. And I have MY family. My husband and two wonderful daughters. I got through this and all the rest of the joy and sorrow of life without smoking. That was one thing I had. That was one thing I will keep forever. I have waited for this magical day. And it is. Because I have come a long way and I AM proud of myself.
I let go of 5 balloons today. I watched them go up in the sky until I could hardly see the last two. On each I had written a word. One was a person’s name. One was a word I’ll keep private, and the others were regrets, guilt, and past. I watched them go away from me. It felt so uplifting. I said goodbye. It is time. Today is a great day. Thank you God.
Thank you to all of you who have given me your love and support. I could not have done this without you all and BV. I will never quit again. I will not put myself through that torture and sorrow ever again. I quit once on the first REAL try when I was READY to quit. And THAT is the ONLY quit I have in me and will allow myself to have.
Here’s to freedom!! Here’s to Choice!! Here’s to Attitude!! No one but us knows what we go through. I am proud of me. I am proud of all of us.
Thank you so much.
xoxoxoxo
marsha

Well here I am FINALLY! I have made it to the Porch!!
I look back and I see so many resolutions to quit some lasting a day, a week, a couple weeks, maybe a month. I had one that lasted just
barely three months.
I have read of so many quit journeys here, I have admired so many folks that call BV their Home

It does feel like a lil community, a place where we know a bit about each other, our happy days, our hard days… we laugh, we cry and even
argue a lil bit now and then. Friends come and go… some come sneaking in for a peek now and then. I did when I fell off a quit I
would peek in just to see who was here.

I cannot name names, because sure as anything I will miss someone and feel horrible about it… but there have been people in my early days
that I will always hold close to my heart… some have solid quits, some are still struggling and I hope to welcome each of the not quit
yet to the porch someday!

The quit that worked for me just happened, I did not plan to quit, I did not even really want to quit at the time. I was home for several
months with vertigo… horrible dizziness, that made it impossible for me to work. I used up any and all vacation time, sick time… I used
it all… finally money ran out… roommate could not take care of everything PLUS keep me in smokes… so when the last smoke was smoked
I was finished smoking. That was December 6, 2010. No patch, no pill, just raw stop it! No more! Quit smoking cold turkey!

I was irritable, I didnt like it, but it was what it was. I decided instead of being nasty, emotional and crazy, I would be quiet… I
have always liked Thumper in the cartoon Bambi… If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all! Early in my quit I could
not choose to be nice, but I could choose to be quiet, so I did. I stopped in and said hello now and then usually on a milestone day…
but I really just hid myself away and let the quit take hold… I took hold of music that was relaxing and almost meditational, I found
a self hypnosis type thing that was quit smoking focused and listened to it alot… anything that put me in a calm, peaceful, quiet place
was my safe haven during the early months.

The time came to go back to work… dizziness was controlled enough I was safe to return to work… my first night back a co-worker offered
me a smoke… I turned it down, I was quit!

I am amazed how much work I can get done now that I am not constantly
looking for a smoke break. I have grown my hair longer and I am amazed how long my shampoo smells wonderful.. I never knew it smelled that good for that long!
Same with perfume… I no longer bathe in my nice perfumes a spritz or two and I am smelling good and saving alot of product.

I smile as I begin to write this part, I read it from so many others, but it is TRUE!!!

YOU CAN QUIT!

Yes, it is tough at first but it gets better! Just make the decision and then DONT LOOK BACK!

Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta find my rocking chair, my feet are killing me. Get on your journey and meet me here on the porch.

Come on!

One year and one day,,,,

I think that in the decade I have spent on this site, the one thing that I know for sure is this; To smoke is a choice and to not smoke is also a choice. Success is dependent on making the choice to NOT smoke regardless of what life deals you. For sure, it has not been an easy year for me for a multitude of reasons, but I chose to not smoke. Every time I failed, it was because I wanted to smoke more than I wanted to stay free.

My advice today? A positive attitude is key. If I say I am happy, and healthy, and blessed, I am. There was absolutely nothing good about being a smoker. There was no benefit to it. I was simply an addict with no self control when it came to nicotine. Cigarettes really tried to convince me that I couldn’t live without them, and exactly the opposite is true. They were killing me. Maybe the damage they did is still working in my but I refuse to dwell in negative thoughts. I can be proud today that I am quit, and much happier for it. I no longer look at lost quits or years smoking as meaningful or useful information. Today, I am free. I want to stay that way. I can. It is my choice.

I owe a great deal to this site. It has been my quit smoking heaven and hell for more than a decade. I love this place and still, at times, see a glimpse of how it used to be. Cub reporters, A baker of cakes, campfires, rhino hides, jetting from place to place, and feeling the joy and pain of the quit. I love you Blairsville. Mean it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the wonderful celebration you prepared for me today. The congratulatory words, the food, the drink, the balloons, the fireworks, the doggies, the MEN (woohoo), the porch chairs (I have to figure out how to post picture, darn!) And, as importantly, thank you all for being here at Blairsville day in and day out with your thoughts, your cheers, your praise, your warnings, your forgiveness, your remembrances and your daily pledges. All of this has been part and parcel of this year-long quit of mine.
Several years back I had successfully quit for a year and a half and then threw it all away. There was no tragedy, no crisis that “pushed me over the edge.” Looking back now, and looking into my mind, I realize that I hadn’t ever really quit for life. I was just quitting until the time when I could convince myself that I could just smoke on vacation. Then my vacation would be complete. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! How twisted was that thinking? Then I thought I could smoke when I came home if I didn’t smoke “a lot.” WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? I thought if I only smoked a few, 5 or 6, maybe a bit more here and there, it wasn’t so bad. Didn’t I hear myself hacking? Didn’t I hear myself lying to my son, my mom, my friends, my co-workers, my students? Didn’t I see myself sneaking, planning, conniving to get that freakin’ cigarette in? OF COURSE I DID! I was miserable. I wanted to stop, but I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to stop “a little.” HUH? How do we get so stupid???? But the simple truth is not that I became stupid when I smoked, but that I WAS AND AM AN ADDICT. The only way to not smoke is not to smoke. How simple is that idea?
I came to quit again, metaphorically kicking and screaming. My precious son caught me again and again sneaking a puff or two on the deck. He ranted and raved each time. He made me listen to detail by detail the reality of living with, dying with COPD, emphezyma, and other diseases. At the time he was a research scientist in the pulmonary unit of Johns Hopkins. So I got plenty of details. He was also studying to get into med school ( which he did, by the way; he is now starting his second year med school at Howard University) So I got more horrid, ugly truths. And the final piece of ammunition - he threatened to tell my 87 year old mom. I was quickly coming up to 60 years old. My friend of like-age had recently died of a sudden diagnosis of cancer after a life time of smoking.
If this wasn’t the time, when the heck was??????
So in July 5 th 2010, I quit. Has it been hard? Darn right. In the beginning my motto was “if I don’t have one puff, there can’t be another.” One day at a time, one urge at a time. The days piled up, the weeks, the months. Bad times came; my Mom became sick (she’s hanging in, thank god); my son got sick ( he’s still struggling, but getting stronger AND with it all was at the top of his class) but I DIDNT SMOKE.
What is different this time? My mind, that’s what. I am not waiting for an opportunity to smoke again. I am going to live the rest of my life not smoking. Do I think I’m missing out on something good? No way! Do I still get urges? Sure I do. Do I plan to satisfy them? NOPE cause if I don’t have one puff I won’t have a second. And I know the urges will pass. I am one gratteful non-smoker and proud to be one of you!
Ramble done… God bless all of you!
Hugs,
Linda

It’s all surreal to take this in……………. I am now, according to blairsville, a fogey. Or at least a young ‘ fogey’! I officially stopped ingesting nictotine on 16th March however I sought help via blairsville days before my quit because i was d so desperate for support . See message below. I want to thank all those that helped me on my way in the beginning, cheering me on. Positive support definitely helps. The online documents were good in helping me understand dangers & addiction. This site also directed me to another site which helped me understand nicotine addiction on a whole new educative level. in this respect, i am also thankful because blairsville is open to other sources to help its members.

Right now i am in a good place. My friend who died was the trigger to get my health back into gear. i remember a guilt riddled dicussion about the ‘ what if cigarettes’ caused my cancer’ and also a heart rending chat shortly before she died telling me to enjoy life to the full by respecting your health physically & emotionally. She died a young age, leaving her son ( 1.5 years) behind & new husband. Her advice struck a core cos at the time of her death all i was doing was being stressed and smoking. Since her death, i have become a changed person. I have started looking a life from different perspectives & take action to enrich what is good & throw away what is bad. First step was starting with my health. I cannot stand cigarets now or anything related to nicotine. I spent a good deal of time cleansing my body with sport, good healthy food & lack of stress. I enjoy life, smile more & take time for me & friends & family. My boyfriend likes the new me. in 7 weeks i will be a first time mother and i am so proud that i will be a nicotine free mother. My boyfriend gave up smoking on 2nd January & now understands my point about nicotine addiction & taking one day @ a time to deal with it. he realizes that things are doable if you break things down into baby steps and realistic perspectives.

For all you newbies out there, giving up smoking or not ingesting nicotine is not the ‘be & end of of life’. In fact, by doing it, your life begins because you regain your health back.

anyway, enough of me rambling. just wanted to say hello & give you an update. Donna :0)

—————–
THE BEGINNING:
Help me please
March 13 2010 at 4:46 PM

Hello all,

i am in some dire need of support to stop smoking. i am 34 years old. I suddely got a wake up call when i lost a friend to cancer ( not smoking related) and i realised that i am doing damage to my body by smoking. I have always been frightened of death but i am even more frightened that my bad habit will catch up with me sooner than later. i have tried since december to give up. not much sucess, 3 weeks straight, then started again, then a week on & off. there is so many reasons why i want to give up : live a longer life, be healthy to be with my boyfriend for a long time ( till old age), be clean so that i can have a clean body to have kids. could any of you give me encourgaement or somehow help me before i lose the will again to stop. the only postive thing that i have managed is to take up sport ( almost 3x a week ) to keep my drive & also it puts me off smoking before and after sessions…

many thanks Donna

My Blairsville login dates back to 1999. I would get bronchitis, quit for a couple of days, then cave in for another year until I got sick again. And Id pop back in for a few days. My most serious attempt was in 2003-ish and lasted a whole 30 days. I caved in to a bad day & junkie thinking. I didnt really try to quit again (in my heart) until 2-5-10. There was a time in my life that I never thought I could/would quit. It was part of who I am. Shari is a smoker. Thats how its been since high school.

Suddenly after talking to my doctor and getting yet another script for Chantix, I decided that I was just so tired of the inconvenience, the awful smell and the whole habit. I was spending $150.00/month on this filthy habit. I used chantix. (Im a freak who enjoys the vivid/strange dreams.) Hubby used a hypnotist. His 1 yr will be 20 days from today. We are both so thankful that we braved those first tough days to arrive here. Most days, I dont even think of smoking anymore. The first day that I realized I hadnt obsessed about smoking was a day of liberty for me. From the shackles of a habit that I once believed defined who I was.

Quitting suddenly freed up a lot of spare time that used to be spent smoking in the garage. I chose to fill that time cooking decadent meals that I could actually taste. I would make the dish, then come here & post the recipe. I think some people actually tried my cooking! I also ate a lot of tootsie roll pops & gummi bears. I gained 10#, but I can lose weight the time I gained from quitting is so much more valuable now!

I wish my children had never seen me smoke. My 20 year old son smokes. And I beg him daily to quit now. I blame myself. I wasnt even smart enough to quit when I was pregnant. That was back in the early 90s when we were just realizing exactly how detrimental cigarettes really are. Not an excuse, but it explains my rebellious attitude towards cigarettes.

We rescued a border collie puppy (Jax) from the Humane Society on March 5th, 2010. He has never known a day of cigarette smoke in his life. He has never brushed past a lit cig & gotten burnt. And for that I can look forward and be proud.

I did slip about a week in. Just a puff, walking a dangerous line. Hubby had left some long butts in the garage. I knew they were there. I just wanted to romance it. That one puff tasted awful. And the regret was swift and harsh. Did I restart my whole quit? No. I came here, and asked around. Some people would, some would not. I knew if I did, my momentum would crash and I would be in danger of giving up the quit. I refused to let that moment of bad judgment ruin the only quit Ive ever felt bonded to.

So, maybe my true quit date is next week. But I celebrate every day. I love having money in my pocket. I learned a lot about myself. I AM one of those people who dont life being around smokers now due to the smell of their clothes, hair, etcAnd Ive apologized to my non-smoking friends for my past stench. Hubby & I have also made friends with ex-smokers. I spend a lot of time on the back of the Harley in the summer, no need to stop & take a smoke break.

Today, I celebrate my freedom. I never in my heart truly thought Id make it to this porch. Until I really wanted it. And I wish anyone reading this the same realization that it wont change until you really want it to change.

The support & comraderie found here was key to keeping focus and my goal in mind. I’m telling ya, If Shari quit… anyone can quit.

My 1 year milestone.

This might be kind of jumbled. Its a lot of random stuff that is coming to mind as I look back at my quit journey. Im trying to include all the important things I learned in case some smoker or struggling quitter comes across this, but there have been so many things Ive learned about quitting and about myself through this journey that it is probably not possible to convey it all. I will make an attempt anyway, because once you realize how much better it is to be quit, it is so hard not to want to spread around the goodness.

Its funny because I started writing a version of this about day 6 of this quit, but now I cant find it. Why did I start writing about my 1 year milestone at day 6 when Id never had a quit that lasted a whole 4 months? When all of my quit-smoking forum friends would ignore my Im quitting again posts, or simply respond with a Good luck? Well, this quit was different from all my other quits. I quit before this (for a day, for a week, for a month, for two weeks, for six weeks, for two days, for three days, for 3 months, for another month, for another day. . . I was a serial quitter). I KNEW after these quits that I COULD quit. I just somehow was never able to KEEP a quit. But this quit, I went into it and I said, I KNOW I can quit. Its not fair to myself not to give it a chance for a whole year. Everybody says it gets A LOT better by then. So, Ill give it a year. Im NOT gonna smoke for 2010.

I was DETERMINED. I WANTED it SO, SO, SO badly. . . I was willing to dream. I was willing to really see myself at 1 year. I was willing to see myself there in so much reality and detail that I could imagine what I would think and feel and write. I was finally COMMITTED NO MATTER WHAT!!!

It was strange because the first few weeks of this quit, I avoided my favorite quit smoking forum. I knew they would offer half-hearted support. . . and really, who could blame them after watching me quit and relapse a hundred times over the year before despite all the support and help theyd offered? Instead I was doing things like writing about my 1 year milestone.

It didnt start out this way. Quitting for me has been a LONG journey. I started trying to quit pretty much as soon as I started smoking. I never really meant to be a smoker. I just meant to try it a few times. Well, maybe I did kind of want to be like my older sister. And my older brother. I wanted to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and be just like them. They were the coolest people in the whole wide world. My sister always had boyfriends; I could never get boyfriends. My brother went to parties and got drunk; I never knew about any parties and didnt know anybody who drank. But I dont think how or why we start is really all that important. I think way too many people obsess over how or why they started or why they smoke or what is wrong with them because they have a hard time quitting. I used to do it too. I let the drug play mindgames with me. I wondered why I was weak. I wondered what was wrong with me. I thought I was just messed up and needed cigarettes. I was scared I was gonna get cancer and I couldnt quit. I could quit but I could never stay quit very long and I could never figure out why. Then I realized that it was simple.

It doesnt matter why we tried the first one. We try LOTS of things through-out or lives for no particular reason beyond being curious what it is all about or peer pressure or any number of other reasons. What does matter is what makes smoking different than all the other things in our lives that we tried once. The thing about smoking is that it is ADDICTIVE. The cigarette itself, once tried is the whole why of us smoking and finding it hard to quit. The cigarette will lie to you. It will tell you that you need it because it is your friend. And youll believe it because you want to put an end to the nicotine withdrawal caused from the last cigarette you smoked.

If I think back to a LONG time ago, even before I started smoking, back to when I was a child and my mom told me not to smoke cigarettes. She always told me not to smoke them because THEY WERE ADDICTIVE. She NEVER told me not to smoke because I was an addict and there was something wrong with me.

This was the first quit that I was really willing to come to terms with the Concept of Addiction. . . in a nutshell, the fact that CIGARETTES ARE ADDICTIVE AND WILL ALWAYS BE ADDICTIVE! JUST ONE GOT ME HOOKED TO START WITH AND ‘JUST ONE’ WOULD GET ME HOOKED AGAIN. THAT IS WHY I DON’T SMOKE. NOT ONE. NOT EVER!

I believe all successful quitters come to grasp what addiction means to them. They all have a line like Never Take Another Puff, Not One Puff Ever, There is no just one. Even the successful quitters who quit on their own without aid of any quit group or book, when offered a cigarette will say something like, No, I know Id be back to a pack a day if I had just one. I was quit two years once and then this girl I liked offered me a cigarette. I was back at it for five years. Successful quitters know that cigarettes contain nicotine which is addictive and just one puff is enough to cause nicotine withdrawal and a craving for more nicotine. If they want to stay quit, they need to never take this one puff.

One thing I can say for sure, I am FRICKING PROUD of my 1 year quit!!! I could never say, Im proud of having smoked for the last year or Im so glad I spent two thousand dollars on cigarettes this year.

And I am proud. It is a little hard to believe that I am actually here after the hundreds (ok, maybe its not hundreds, but its at least got to be pretty close to one hundred, if not more) of quits that I lost. It feels so good to finally be looking back with a year quit instead of looking back and thinking how I would have a year if I hadnt smoked that just one. I had to try hard to do this. I had to try A LOT more than once. But I was stubborn as hell and Im glad for that. Im a fighter. Im not the sort of person to just give up. Im not the sort of person to accept failure. There were so many times as a smoker when I would quit again and again and fail that I thought I should just give up on quitting, but I never could. I had to keep trying. It would have been a lot less painful to quit once and be done with it. Some people do this. It wasnt for me. I quit how I had to. I did what I had to. I stayed determined.

I sought education, advice and support. I learned all I could from other quitters. I believed them and was willing to be inspired by them. When they said if only I stayed quit, then it would get better, I put my faith in them and waited out the pain of quitting. I owe this quit to a handful of really great people who quit before me and gave me the support and advice I needed. A special thanks to ((((((((((((Dunkin, Kevin, Debbie, Jona, Marsha, YorkiePups, and the rest of the quit community)))))))))))).

Like the other successful quitters before me, I stopped making excuses. I realized smoking would fix nothing. Ive made it through financial problems, job problems, relationship problems, house problems, car problems, bad day/week/month problems and more without smoking now. Smoking would have made NONE of theses things better. Money or a better job or better communication skills or a contractor or a mechanic or some prozac might, but it is important to identify the REAL solutions to lifes problems. Smoking a cigarette will do nothing but cause nicotine withdrawal. And somebody dying or dumping you is no excuse- smoking wont be the thing that will bring them back, it will only cause you to go through nicotine withdrawal, which really kind of just sucks.

Excuses to smoke used to feel welcome. Im freaking out. Now I can go get a cigarette and that will make everything better. But it never really made anything better. It always was just pretty bitter losing a quit. It hurt. It was depressing. So I stopped making excuses to smoke.

At the beginning of this quit, I promised Id stay quit for one year. More than once, I thought Id smoke the second the year was up, but to be honest, I dont think I will now. I put a lot into getting here and I know one cigarette would put me back at step one. I could quit again, but I sure as hell dont want to. Id rather stay quit now. I can remember spending January 1st of this year counting how many hours Id been quit and just waiting for the first 3 days to be over so I could know the nicotine was out of my system. Truthfully, I cant count how many times I went through those first 3 days. I never want to do it again.

It feels SO GOOD to have one year quit. As a smoker, I never really could have imagined how GOOD it feels to be quit now. Early on in my quit, I couldnt imagine it. Others said it would be like this and I tried to believed them, but I could never really form the image until I had been quit for several months. Its not that I dont occasionally think of cigarettes- I smoked too long not to think of them under stress or around other smokers, but the painful craving is not there and I KNOW I dont want to go back to being an addict. Im SO GLAD Im finally free! Life is good quit. Im looking forward to year 2 of my quit. I hear its supposed to get even better.

I have been thinking about this ramble and what i need to write and if im honest I cant remember how awful it was at the beginning although I know there were days when I just cried. I started on my champix and then 2 weeks later picked april 19th as my quit date. I just lived from minute to minute, hour to hour and then day to day.
There are some people I have to mention who helped me stay quit so many times.
Jona who congratulated me for everyday I did for the first 2 weeks, Debbie S who kept telling it would get easier, Yorkie pups who has always is a brilliant cheerleader and bolstered me so many times, Robin who told me to hang in there. Annaree for the same reasons and showed me it could be done, Laurie with her deep breathing exercises and all the other members of this great place Blairsville.
I began to stop craving so much after 6 weeks and then it hit me badly again after 3 months i nearly caved so many times but I just became stubborn. I craved after an argument, when i was happy, when I was sad, on holiday in Spain where a packet of smokes is only 2 euro and everybody smokes wherever they like, Christmas when family came to stay and just at the oddest moments. Sometimes I would forget I didnt smoke anymore and go out the back and realise and then I would feel momentarily sad.
As i hit my 1 year I am absolutely amazed to be a non smoker and I SWEAR if I can do it so can you. I smoked for 30 years 20 a day. I meet people i know who cant believe I quit they just couldnt imagine me not smoking.
To all the newbies it does get easier and at this stage I go days without thinking about smoking.

Take Care

Julie

Feb 21 2009 was the day it all started. Oh I had made several attempts to quit since Jan. and had failed them all. This time, though, it’s gonna be different. I chose the nicotine lozenge as my nicotine replacement, and although it helped me tremendously, it had a downside. More on that later. I came to Blairsville early on, I can’t remember the actual date. Here I found what I needed… people who had been there and made it through. I also found people in the midst of quitting. A wide array of folk who gave me a picture of what this quit was going to be like. I remember coming on several times during a bad crave, and someone always answered.

So to the newbies I say…. yes it is possible to quit. Get on this board and arm yourself with information. Post during craves. Like I was told on here many times.. work through the crave, it will pass. Yes, I still have the odd crave. Now it’s easier to resist. Yes I still have those “Boy wouldn’t a cig be nice about now?” thoughts, and it’s easier to push them aside.

Now about that nicotine replacement therapy… I ended up using it several months longer than the instructions said. I rationalized this by saying at least I’m not smoking. But I got a big kick in the butt when I tried to quit it. I had passed the physical withdrawal of the act of smoking. Now I had to get off nicotine completely. The craves came back worse than the first time around. Again, with the board’s help, I made it through. Now I’m not even needing the cinnamon candy as much. I wish I had gone cold turkey and gotten all the craves over with at the same time.

Newbies, just say “NO” and you can beat this. Stock up on candies… always have something nearby to stick in your mouth. Cinnamon flavor seemed to work the best for me. And post and post, that will occupy your hands.

Thanks Blairsville. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Not sure what to say……perhaps just a few words about the ‘ride’ to the porch.

One year ago this morning, I woke up feeling terrible. My blood pressure was still too high…on two meds and had angioplasty on a renal artery…my throat was very sore and raw, I had a really bad cough which was intensified by one of my meds (ACE inhibitor), I was tired all the time, hated how my house, car and self smelled, was embarrassed and POed to be addicted to smoking, etc. A year ago this morning, I felt strong enough to quit again. After losing a 6 & 1/2 year quit four years prior, I finally had had enough again. So, I smoked my last few, took a shower, slapped on a patch and dug my heels in. Had several bad nights where I wound up sitting on the kitchen floor with car keys in hand…crying. Like this night:http://www.network54.com/Forum/76750/message/1231730587/Stupid%2C+%26amp%3B%2A%25%24ing+addiction%21++Driving+me+NUTS+tonight%21+%26lt%3Bdanger+-rant+inside%26gt%3B

Told myself ‘just get through this minute and then re-evaluate’……. I would watch the video in my sig of MLK saying ‘Free at last…….’ over and over again. I am free…..at last. After smoking since about the 4th grade, at age 40, I am free

I believe 3 things helped me make it this far this time: you guys, chosing my rosey friggin’ attitude, and learning to turn my head when my stupid addict started to talking to me! Can’t ever listen to that beatch…she’s a dirty liar!!!

The days added up. Soon I was at one month, then 2 months, then 3….. It got a bit easier at 3 months but still had some difficult times….at 6 months I got some horrible cravings, low level anxiety that wouldn’t go away. I came here for advice…..someone suggested working out, I went to the college gym and jumped on a treadmill…it worked. I’ve only had a few hard times since and all have been while in a smokey bar.

I did it this time, I made it to the porch. Now, I just have to hang on. Thanks for all your help and support. No way in hades I’d have made it without you all.

Sorry my ramble sucks….busy day ahead…lol….